dered idly if it might interfere with the plane Beth was to ride home. The news said the airport at Washington was closed. A mix- ture of agitation and relief was felt by Elaine. She was agitated that Beth would be delayed; re- lieved that she would be free to remain in evidence that much longer. Typical of TVs, Elaine considered every moment of be- ing free to dress, a moment to be treasured. She had treasured these days with Beth gone, but wanted to stay dressed. The barrier imposed itself.

Elaine was struck dumbfound- ed by the announcement. An air- plane had crashed on take off. It was the flight Beth was due to ride. Fear struck. Then there came a desparation, a feeling of urgency, a feeling of dread, a feeling of utter aloneness. The hours drug as years. Finally, late into the night a call came from the airline. It was in response to Lane's urgent request for infor- mation. Passenger Beth River had been on Flight 90. She was miss- ing.

Over and over the scene had been shown on the news. Over and over Lane had seen the stew- ardess being lifted from the icy river by an unbelievably skilled Forest Service chopper crew. Over and over he had mentally demanded that the rescued girl be Beth. Over and over, reality said it was not. Beth was still strapped into her seat. That seat remained still beneath thirty feet of ice clogged Patomic River water. The nation held its' breath and shivered with the workers trying to recover the victims. Beth was a victim. Then the numbing blackness of mental lapse and depression fell.

Somehow, Lane/Elaine had

gotten through the first weeks at the office. Some how the weeks had pased. After the recovery of the bodies, identification of the remains, shipment, burial and all this time the grieving. Lane/ Elaine had begun to recover some balance. At first there was no thought of dressing. Lane had numbly played the role of work- er, grieving husband and only in the last week had Elaine emerged Life goes on even in the face of tragedy.

Now sitting in her bedroom, what had been their bedroom. Elaine considered the gift. It had finally come. Delays in the postal service are leigon. This one came the day after the crash. It had lain on the coffee table unopen- ed all this time. There had been simply too much hurt. There had been numbness. Now per- haps it was time to open the gift.

The outer brown paper came off, inside was a neat box. Inside there beneath the gauselike paper an envelope lay. With trembling hands, Elaine opened it. Tears made eye makeup distort. That could be repaired later. The card came to view. It was a beauti- fully femine greeting. It smelled of love. It spoke of love. Inside was the note Elaine now read;

"Dearest," it began. “You are much loved. I have loved you more dearly all our years. I love you dearly now apart from you. I've seen you suffer. I've not been able to reach you. I've wanted to take you and com- fort you in those times hard- est for you. I've understood your aches. I've understood your "business" trips. I've understood and loved you. I've been unable before now to break down a barrier in myself, a barrier that

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wouldn't let me tell you I know. It has been a hateful barrier that wouldn't let me let you know I've loved both Lane and Elaine. I want that barrier gone. I hope you enjoy the enclosed gift. I can hardly wait to return to you. I want to be a part of your whole life. I want to be loved and to love Elaine as I love and am loved by Lane. I'm terribly sorry I could never open up and let you know I love Elaine too. Dearest, be Elaine for me when I get home. I'll be on Flight 90 out of Washington National. I'll take a cab home. Be Elaine for me. I love you."

Beth

There were no words to ex- press the feelings Elaine felt. One was a resolve to be freely Elaine and hide no more. Beth

may not return, but Elaine would meet that final request. She would be Elaine.

Opening the paper, Elaine slowly lifted the beautifully frilly lingerie, hose, foundations and the dress Beth had so loving- ly wrapped, so lovingly sent. Re- lief and a oneness was felt. Elaine now felt Beth within. She was resolved more than ever to be herself and never to allow the barrier to rise again. Finally there came a sense of complet- ness. A sense of closure. Her life with Beth was full. It was complete. Now with the gift of Beth, Elaine could look for- ward to life as Elaine and not be bound by a perceived bar- rier.

A tear of joy was allowed to roll down her cheek as Beth/ Elaine arose and began taking down Lanes' things. They would fold away and go to good use in

Cont. on page 23